Getting ready for another surgery...

Hello again!

Wow it has been a long time since I have posted an update! As of tomorrow I will be 15 weeks post op...what a recovery it has been! So many things have happened during the past couple of months, I really should have been blogging more often.

Let me start my saying, I continue to improve with each passing week. I feel like I really turned a corner a couple of weeks ago, both mentally and physically.

I was really struggling during July/beginning of August in particular. I think the weight of what I have experienced really finally hit me. Many mornings I would wake up hoping it was all a bad dream followed by the disbelief that I was still dizzy, still extremely tired and still deaf in my left ear. I felt intense anxiety and depression for how to figure out my new life. I mourned the loss of who I used to be. I have come to better terms with what my new normal means...and as my sister puts it...who's normal anyway :)! So I have dusted myself off and continue to work on the new version of me, Kris 2.0: New Mom and Brain Tumor Survivor

I am doing new things all of the time. Things that seem everyday to all of you, but I am happy to celebrate each one of my milestones...some of which include walking up stairs with Parker, driving a few blocks, walking a few blocks in the dark (when they mess with your balance nerve it affects your night vision), having stamina to not need a 2 hour nap everyday, reading a book...and so on.

Being deaf in one ear has its challenges. Sometimes I wish I could wear a sign to let people know that I am not ignoring them, I just have no idea that they are talking to me. I have to constantly make sure that people are walking on my good side. It can be so frustrating at times. I am so, so thankful to have good hearing in my right ear! This leads me to my next piece of news.

In a couple of weeks I will be having another surgery. I know what you are thinking...what kind of sadistic person signs up to have their head drilled into again?!? Well, there is technology out there that may help give me 'hearing' back on my left side. It is called BAHA (bone anchored hearing aid). As it turns out our bodies are capable of conducting sound through bone. The BAHA works by having a metal rod implanted into your skull. Then a small box, the sound processor, attaches to this metal prong. The device works to pick up sound on my bad ear and sends it via my skull to the cochlea of my good ear. So I am not actually hearing anything on the left or bad side per se. Most of my inner ear and hearing nerve were destroyed in order to get my tumor out. This is why I can't use a regular hearing aid. They just amplify sound. I don't have anything to process that information. So my left ear is really just for show now :) So when you see me next, you will know what the tiny little box snapped to my head, behind my ear is. I can even plug my ipod into it directly and don't need earphones...straight sound to the brain. This device will give me some of my surround sound back that most of you folks reading this enjoy!

The procedure will take under an hour and they do it while I am awake. This makes me a little squeamish, but it will not even come close to 11 hours of actual brain surgery. Nonetheless, wish me luck. I had tears in my eyes when I tried on a demo of the device. To hear someone talking on my bad side again was miraculous! Hurray for advancements in technology! Once they drill/screw the metal rod into my head, I wait for 3 months to allow the bone to heal around the peg. Once it heals I will be ready to wear my new hearing aid processor. Supposedly, it won't give me directionality back, but at least my blind spot isn't so big. Directionality is a handy tool that allows you to tell where sound is coming from...with one ear you have no clue. So when you call my name from a distance I literally have to look all around me to see where it is coming from. It is a pain in the rear end when you forget where you set your cell phone and don't know where its ringing from let me tell ya....

The longest thing to heal has been my eyes. My tumor did a number on them. They are much improved! However, they have a long way to go yet. I am hopeful that between my therapy and time they will work themselves out. Basically when I look to the left or up and to the left my eye can bounce around. This has made it tough to do much driving. It can also take me a minute to get focused in new or different surroundings (so that I can get oriented). I just keep exercising them and try to stay patient. Many of my tumor friends tell me that they continue to improve even up to 3 years post-op!

My physical rehabilitation is going well! My physical therapists were impressed with the amount of balance I had 4 weeks post op and my steady improvement. They said that the fact I was a gym rat prior to getting sick really worked in my favor. I have gone from learning how to turn my head to look both ways before crossing a street to catching balls thrown at me from different directions! I have to walk and do balance exercises everyday to stay sharp. My right brain has taken over that job for my left and needs the constant stimulation. My amazing husband creating a balance gym in our basement for me, complete with a balance beam for me to use in between PT sessions.

In summary, I am doing a lot better, but still healing. I still feel so lucky to have the outcome I did. I have talked to other people with my size of tumor that have full facial paralysis, weights in their eyes so they can blink or double vision. I am lucky to be alive and smiling! When it comes down to it, life is hard sometimes and everyone has their struggles. When it comes to balancing it out, I have way more to be thankful for than to complain about.

Parker has been instrumental in keeping me moving forward...He has given me the strength I need to get out of bed in the morning and fight through the rough days. I know that he deserves all of the love and attention I can give him. I could have never imagined the amount of joy he has brought to my life. He is such a healthy and happy little boy!

Enough of my rambling. I will try to post again soon and not so far between! I know you are all dying to see some new scar pictures!

Thank you all again for the words of encouragement throughout these past few months! It means the world to me to read and hear from everyone!

Quick update

Hi Everyone!

It has been about 3.5 weeks since my surgery now...and life recovering from a craniotomy and tending to a newborn are busy...and that is an understatement! I haven't posted much as the baby keeps me busy and any extended time on the computer really fatigues my brain and causes excess eye strain. I am lucky to have such great help with the baby so that I can rest a little more than most mom's with a new baby!

I just wanted to let you all know that slowly but surely I am making progress! As I reflect on the symptoms that have resolved, I am reminded at how far I have come! I am blessed for the outcome thus far and continue to pray that all will resolve/ improve.

Also, local ABC news media did a piece on our story (I posted this already on facebook a week or so ago) and I think that there may be some other media coverage coming....I will post if this is the case....http://www.wisn.com/video/23956845/index.html


I am just so thrilled to be alive with a healthy baby..I wanted to list out some of the things that have improved from prior to surgery and I am thankful for...and that I will never take for granted again....

I can now walk without help...in the last weeks before surgery I had to hold on to my husband or mom

I can look up at a menu at a place like starbucks with my eyes (and not move my head)

I can wash my hair without getting water/soap in my left eye because it didn't close tightly

The left half of my face doesn't feel like its asleep with a 10lb weight

I can feel my tongue
I can drink out of a glass without dribbling fluid out of my mouth

I can put eye makeup on again because I can focus my eyes to do so (and can now feel my eyelid)

My left arm has better coordination when I type! I was starting to hit the caps lock key all of the time...ugh!

My smile is symmetrical again

My left eye is the same size as my right eye 95% of the time...it was bulging prior to surgery.

I have full facial function post surgery!!!

Did I mention my adorable baby that is happy and healthy despite his early arrival (and spending the first month of his life living in a hotel/hospital)?! He really is my miracle baby! I am biased of course, but I think is the most adorable little guy. Holding him sets my heart at ease. He is growing so fast! I love every minute of being a mom!

My husband has never left my side. He has been so supportive and selfless. He is the most amazing dad. I am thankful every second of the day that he asked me to marry him. He helps me find strength I never knew I had.

My mom has been taking care of Parker and I for over a month and a half. She has done more for us than you can imagine...feedings, diapers, laundry a shoulder to cry on and motivation to move forward...and on and on...

I am thankful for all of you: my friends, family and neighbors. WOW is all I can say about the things you have done for us! They say God only gives us what we can handle. I think that he gave me each and every one of you to help me through, because this was more than I could handle alone!


I am still waiting for my eyes to track fully together, but I can tell that they are slowly improving with each week! I have to practice looking side to side. I continue to try to adjust to hearing only out of my right ear. Noisy places and large crowds are intimidating and I can only take them in small doses right now. I still have a decent amount of that 'wonky' head feeling, but I know I need to be patient as it has only been 3.5 weeks! Same for the fatigue as I tire quickly. All of these things will just take time and patience.

It is great to be on the other side...the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders, and I am so thankful and blessed to be typing this message. I have hope and I believe that all will continue to get better. I am not ready to drive yet. I have another week of restrictions on lifting, sneezing etc and then I get to start vestibular (balance) and physical therapy. I can't wait to be working out again! My incisions are all healing nicely, but I think the longest healing process will be the emotional one.


Thanks again all of you for your support. Every comment posted helped me get through this. I can't tell you how much hearing from everyone helped. It made me feel like I was never alone on this journey. I will be forever grateful.

I will post more when I can, but my brain is now maxed and I need to sleep! Fingers crossed baby Parker will start sleeping through the night in a few weeks!!!!

Parole: Approved

Well, Kris' parole came due today and she was approved for release. We busted her out of St. Vincent's Hospital and now we are required to live in a halfway house for a week. This is the same dormitory we've been living in for about 2 weeks now, Kris is just moving back into our room with us now. She will have some follow up appointments next week and they just want to make sure now complications arise and she continues to progress before we fly home. Parker has a checkup too. We can't wait to be back in Wisconsin (not many people say that when coming from CA) and see all of our friends, family and pets.

More Video

Kris reuniting with Parker again and actually getting to hold him. I told you it would be emotional - I couldn't be any happier right now.



Ok check that, I could be a little happier if I had my dogs and was back at home, but you catch my drift.

Day 5 Videos

Mixing it up with a little video of Kris' progress.

Day 4 Update

Steady improvement yesterday as well. Kris' eyes continue to come around and she's able to focus a bit better. It's not all the way there, but its coming. She also has improved on her mobility. We're walking several times a day, and each time is faster and with more stability. I'm really proud with her perseverance and her determination to get back to something that resembles normal. I'm also wowed by her perspective on things as well. She could be really angry with life and the world for what she's been through, but instead she chooses to see the good in everything. She more talks about how much she appreciates and the loved ones in her life and is thankful for the outpouring of support from them, which includes all of you reading this.

Cue the tears now...on one of her walks yesterday she walked into the waiting room where Kaye was sitting with Parker. She got to see and touch her baby boy for the first time. It was an emotional meeting, but it brought that smile to my face that I talked about earlier. I'm just so happy that after all this, her hungry, poopy, cuddly reward (that's Parker, in case you missed that) is hers to enjoy very soon.

Kris improves her street cred

I am really suprised and pleased at the scar. They shaved very little hair and the incision is a lot neater smaller than I was expecting.



Sorry if you're squeemish.